My Son and Daughter:
Neal & Q

   There three types of love relationships in life: one, you're born into; two, you marry into, and three, those you choose to love. I knew that when i married Joy, they were part of the package; but I chose to love Neal (4) and Q (3) as my children. I really hadn't been around little ones very much and had to learn to be a dad, but they made it easy to love them.

   On our first trip together, I found that it made me happy to see them laugh and have a good time. They hadn't had much exposure to others so I tried to help em become more social. There was a big elm tree in their front yard where I set up swings and ropes to help them get strong and set up games for them in the front yard. In the summer I set up a big above ground pool in the backyard. Soon, neighborhood kids would stop by to play with them.

   In the meantime, we lived 400 miles apart andmy relationship with Joy was on and off. When we restarted after our first breakup, I arranged to meet Joy and the kids in Santa Barbara, and got to the hotel before me. When I walked towards our room Neal and Q were at the window waiting for my arrival. There was such joy and excitement on their faces that i realized how much they loved me and how much I had missed them too.

   Funny thing looking back on those years, I remember the things I did with them more than what I did with Joy. Slough I all had to work in the Bay Area,  I bought a big house for us with a great yard on a quiet, safe street with them in mind. We went on walks,  rode our bikes or rollerbladed after dinner. We had season tickets to Disneyland, Six flags and Pharaoh's Kingdom. I wanted to get a timeshare to use on our vacations and chose a beautiful one in Carlsbad, which not only was close by and transferrable, but because it had the most elaborate water park setup the kids could use whenever we wanted.

   I made sure they wanted for nothing and taught them about sports to help them be well rounded. I took them to places like THE EXPLORATORIUM and the tech museum to enhance their sense of wonder. They joined Boy and Girl Scouts. I helped with their  homework and got them library cards to encourage them to read and learn responsibility.

   Once when Neal was in kindergarten his teacher told Joy that he was overly hyperactive. She and Joy decided that he should be on Ritalin. Id always felt that ere was a tendency to over medicate active children - that doing so was more for the benefit of e adults than for the children. They just needed to be led to be involved in activities. When I came in from the Bay Area a week later, as we sat for dinner I noticed that Neal had a blank, listless look on his face, his eyes dull, his exuberant personality gone. That was one of the few times I ever yelled at Joy, "You can't do this to him! This isn't who he is! Take him off the med right now!"

I was so relieved when the old Neal returned. His zest for life was his best asset.

   Two things in particular stood out  let me know how much the kids loved me. When Q was in first grade when we picked her up from her school after buckling in she said, "I feel sorry for my friends. They only have dads; none of them have a Joseph! A Joseph is much better than a dad."

   For some reason, Joy's ex took her family name when he married her. He remarried and changed his name back. When the kids were six and seven we had a family meeting where Joy told us that their dad wanted Neal and Q to change their last name to his. Neal said  immediately, "If we change our name, it should be to Cua. Joseph's our dad." Q agreed.

   Neal and Q stayed with me in Burlingame in April '06. My GF, Tracey, saw how much the kids and I loved each other. She told me that if I ever wanted to legally adopt them shed be fine with it.

   They're my kids. I love them and am so sorry I missed so much time with them.