My Relationship
with Fernand & Suzanne

    They were my best friends for a long time. I met Fernand around 1976 when I was working at Raybould and Bartlett Real Estate in San Mateo, one of the most established firms in the area. Fernand was one of the owners of LA CIGNON restaurant across the street from me.

     I became his exclusive agent in the mid 70s, becoming friends more than business acquaintances soon thereafter. I believed in establishing relationships with my clients. I specialized in IRS sec. 1031 exchanges of investment property and helped him to defer capital gains taxes on the properties he bought and sold.

    Fernand and I met at least three times a week for three hours, to discuss business and at times to just spend time together to talk. We did things like going to Giants, 49ers and Sharks games. He sometimes watched games of the women's soccer team that I coached,  and would at times come along to watch when I had a tennis, racquetball or squash match.

    We enjoyed a symbiotic and synergetic relationship. Being a restauranteur, he influenced my tastes in food/wine; classical music; and art; while I introduced him to technological advances as they became available to make life easier. The latest example was computers; he swore that he was of an age where he could never learn to use them. I bought him a laptop in 2002 and taught both Suzanne and him to use it.  Two years later when they got the hang of things I bought them a state of the art system including a printer.

    I maintained and paid for an AOL account for them from the start. My hope was that the computer and internet would stimulate, as well as entertain him. He loved sending and receiving email with his friends. Sending and receiving jokes and articles became a favorite pastime. Fernand learned to run searches and they both enjoyed reading French papers online. We worked on computer skills whenever possible. All my expectations of what the computer would do for him were exceeded!

    Suzanne loved working as a hairdresser, while Fernand was enjoying his retirement - leaving him with a lot of free time. He often joined my daughter, Kauai and me on outings, going to lunch, parks, etc. One of my fondest memories is when the three of us went to Bonfante Gardens park in Gilroy, which was a combination topiary garden and childrens' amusement park. Fernand marvelled at what Mr. Bonfante accomplished with topiary and splicing of trees, and watching my two year old enjoy the kiddie rides and attractions. That trip seemed to take years off his age.

Fernand, Suzanne and I often went on short weekend jaunts to break up the monotony of life. Some of the places we visited or hiked were Carmel, Napa, Yountville, Lake Tahoe, Reno, Capitola, Mts. Tamalpais and Diablo. Whenever I found a new dining experience enjoyable, I was excited to share the experience with them. I took them on trips to Vegas (Suzanne loved the slots) and the Big Island, and were planning to go to San Diego to visit the zoo for the second time, and as I expected the renovation of my sailboat to be completed around August of 2006, sail to Catalina Island for a couple of days.

     In 2000, Fernand had a heart attack, resulting in a quad bypass surgery. He was experiencing post-operation syndrome - depressed because he wasn't able to do things physically like he had prior to the surgery. I wanted to give him some incentive to work ardently at his physical therapy, so I told him that I would take him to the Big Island where he would walk on the rim of a volcano.

   But that meant that he'd have to put in the work to be strong enough to do so. On top of his therapy, I took him on short hikes,  increasing the length and incline as he got stronger. He did well; so I rented a house in Kona, and flew Fernand, Suzanne and their nephew, Marc to the Big Island to see the newest land on earth. We saw the lava in Kilauea volcano, walked through wormhole caves, went to black and green sand beaches, walked through jungles and saw spectacular waterfalls. We had lovely dining experiences and I was so pleased that Fernand seemed to be happy and his old self.

   A couple of years later, Fernand developed problems with his kidneys. As others did, I offered him one of mine, but that didn't pan out. So, he had to go to dialysis three times a week. To help the time go by faster I got him a DVD player and paid for subscriptions to Blockbuster and Hollywood Video (on top of my own). When my two year old daughter, Kauai was staying with me she'd run to his station yelling in her tiny voice, "Here's your movies Uncle Fernand!" The other patients seemed to take delight in her visits too.

   Suzanne was one of my staunchest supporters. I once overheard her telling Victoria, my wife at the time, "If anybody ever says anything bad about Joe, I’ll tear into them". I so loved the verbal repartee we shared and admired her sass and blunt honesty. If she didn't like something or someone she didn't hesitate to let it be known.

   She amused me to no end. She had a Mercedes, but didn't want her clients or coworkers to know it, so drove an entry level Chevy to work. When we went to Reno, Tahoe or Vegas she brought a huge bag of silver coins. I once teased her that she'd be over the airline's weight limit. She was quite fond of my daughter, Kauai, and very kind to her. She also was incredibly nice to Neal and Q (whose mom is Joy) when they'd visit me. She presented a tough persona, but she was a softie and very generous to those she cared about.

    Because of Fernand's frailty I did a lot of physical things for the Wagners like moving furniture, planting, painting, trimming and removing trees. Their nephew Phillips once asked, "Why would a big shot manager/real estate guy do such menial stuff for them?" The answer was because I loved them.

   If anything went wrong with things like phones, cable, power, cell phones, etc. I was always happy to handle it for them. Since I was an artist, I helped them with remodeling in recent years. There was a landscape of mine hanging in their upstairs hall and I'd recently textured and painted their guest bath, and had crown molding cut and ready to install.

   I once took Fernand and Suzanne to Squaw Valley in the summer. We took the tram to the top of the mountain, hiked down the back side to Shirley Lake, then circled down around the mountain following a stream for about eight miles. I warned them beforehand that there wasn't a regular path, so we'd be going down some rugged terrain. Fernand came out of his room wearing jeans and hiking shoes; Suzanne had on cullotes, hose and white deck shoes, looking as cute as can be, like we were going shopping. I looked at Fernand, and he just smiled and shrugged.

   About 2/3 of the way down as we slid down some large boulders to get to the next level down. Suzanne noted that her hose were torn and her shoes were scuffed and dirty. She exclaimed, "Joseph, you're such an ass for bringing us down this!" After a moment she said, "And I guess that makes me an ass for following you!" We all had a laugh about that. From what I heard from others, she was quite proud of being able to accomplish such a hike. One of the best photos I'd ever taken of them was along a stream on that hike - which was used that year on their Christmas cards.

   Next to my daughter, I spent more time with Fernand than anyone else - We loved each other like family and I'd do anything for him and Suzanne. I miss them still.